Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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