I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
