there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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