i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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