The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
