last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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