So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
