My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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