buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
