But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
