I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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