An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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