Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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