Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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