you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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