we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
