I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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