I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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