I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
