I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
