In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
