It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
