If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
