I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
