whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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