sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
