ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
