Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
