Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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