she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
