if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
