I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
