and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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