Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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