That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
