What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
