Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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