I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
