I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
