I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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