that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
