Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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