you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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