i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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