Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
