Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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