Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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