You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
