my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
