Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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