3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
