people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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