sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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