I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
