I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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