It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
