sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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