Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
