1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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