so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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